Pacing Oneself

Having a diagnosis like mama's is upsetting and shocking and motivating.

As soon as I knew there was limited time left I made my arrangements to get as many days with my beloved mama as I could and that instinct has also both mama some very special visitors.

Mama is really quite well sitting in the sun and enjoyed the company of good friends and family, and she enjoys those moments long after her visitors are gone, we just need to make sure she lets us know when she needs to rest.

Gorgeous Col was only known to us online as an art friend and she travelled interstate to meet beautiful mama and my cousins also travelled long distance to see her and poppy. These are precious moments to treasure. 

One white foot....

Mamas illness is complex.

She has had autoimmune disorders for a few years and now has her cancer diagnosis.

So visits to the Dr are often accompanied by a long list of things to discuss with mama's wonderful GP who takes such very good care of her.

I met her for the first time the other day, and was very impressed, she is so lovely to mama and so very thorough. Mama connected with her just after her first illness was detected by the blood bank after she did a regular blood donation. 

So on this visit, we worked our way through the list and I had added the white foot to the list but mama felt it was a low priority and we need not worry the Dr with it. I was pretty concerned about it though and so was the Dr and she tried to have it scanned and checked but was unable to get an appointment so she sent us up to the hospital in the big town 50km away. 

The next morning we got away early, not so easy for mama these days and were at the hospital bright and early, around 8.30am. We then spent the next 10 hours in casualty and I think we involved almost every section of the hospital in mamas assessment and management.  Casualty took blood tests and sent them to pathology then she was taken to Xray to have an angio CT scan,  where they found an arterial blood clot and then it was a matter of waiting while they juggled options and many different Drs came to asses and look at and feel the white foot- she had surgeons and medical team leaders and oncology and haematology and outside specialists all determining the best and safest option for my poor mama. For a while there it looked like they might admit her but about 6.30 pm we were finally allowed to go home. 

I feel very grateful and very lucky we have such a wonderful and thorough medical system and that we can get all of this care in a little country town and mostly on medicare.

All of the medical staff are lovely, knowledgable and so considerate of their patients.

It may have looked like a 10-hour wait in casualty but at no time did we feel forgotten or like mama was not a priority. 

It seems you need to be very patient to be a patient and a public hospital is a very interesting place to do some people watching, not all patients are very patient at all. 

It's the little things

I picked this cute little purse up in an op shop for $1, I wanted something to keep mama's money in separate from my own wallet. I wanted her to maintain control over her own money even though I seem to be spending more of it than her these days.

I love that it's a little bird trying to keep everything in order and connected- life is a juggle and I want to keep everything in order and connected and make sure everyone gets their individuality and needs respected and met. 

We are 4 people and one poodle all very different come together to share a journey and treasure my mama, poppy's wife and Sage's nanny. So the little things we can do for each other certainly help us to smooth way and express our love. 

Moments of Joy

One of the things I want to do with mama is something fun or beautiful or special every day. Art is something we both enjoy very much and her sunny back deck is the perfect spot to art away a few hours of an afternoon.

Art is something I introduced to mama close to 10 years ago, while I have been a super keen creative maker all my life and an artist most of my adult life it was never her thing. She came to stay for a week after she retired and was quite concerned she would be bored and lonely so I introduced her to the wonderful world of art journaling and the online art community. 

Mama has never looked back and has found lots of genuine caring souls to connect with. We started an Australian art swap group on facebook to create a safe community where we can all play, mum has travelled to do workshops I taught, it deepened our relationship and I am so very proud of her. 

It's not all art for our moments I spotted this cute and friendly little fellow while out with my son one day so took mama to visit.  Another day we had lunch at a quirky cafe and yesterday I came home with sweet smelling mini carnations to grow. 

I just want to share joy and create beautiful memories I guess.

Dawn

Dawn is my cute little camper van. I picked her up in Sydney the week I came to mamas.
Dawn is a 2004 Toyota Hiace Commuter, decked out with a little kitchen- sink, bench, double gas cooker and fridge and a bed. She is lined with beautiful timbers- western red cedar and blackbutt and pine has handpainted tiles from Mexico and lovely brass fittings, including a porthole found in Sydney harbour and a bespoke tap. 

I needed Dawn as mama does not have the space to accommodate another family and I need to be close- she is fabulous. I am warm and toasty inside at night and so is Indi, I still put him into his winter pj's though just to keep him warm. 

Having Dawn gives me space to have time out and I managed a bit of art out there last week. I have a shelf devoted to art supplies above the cab and I managed to stash quite a few supplies in as art is something both mum and I enjoy. 

Why Moments with the Mama?

My beautiful and beloved mama had a persistent cough 8 weeks ago and now she has stage 4 cancer and her only treatment is palliative. I adore my mama and while we have had our good and bad times our relationship has mostly been very good. So I feel very lucky that I can take leave from my job and buy an old camper van grab my almost 16-year-old son and our toy poodle and come down to be with mum for however long she has left.

Slotting in back at home 30 something years after leaving certainly presents some obstacles- we are all very different people today. Mum's little house is full just with Mama and Poppy and they have very graciously cleared space for my son Sage to have a bedroom and I am out in the van overnight with Indi the poodle.

I am very grateful to have this time with my precious mama, she lost her mother at 23 with her first baby in her arms, that was me- so many years without a mother and so many years of mothering without that mentor. I have called my mama a million times to discuss mothering with her and have long sorrowed for her loss.

Finding my space, my role is another delicate balance- Poppy has taken great care of mama for the last few years as she has managed various autoimmune issues. So far I am keeping track of and taking mama to most of her appointments, She has a lovely new car and has hardly been able to drive it. Keeping good records and sharing the cooking with mama, especially when she is not up to it and one other thing I have started is making sure we do at least one thing that is just for fun or special in another way.